16/12/2023

16:41

it's tiring. people here are fine but i don't click with them. it's even worse when it's almost the opposite. being friends with people but not feeling anything is bad enough, but being stuck being friendly with people that wouldn't like you if they knew you is even worse. our friends already feel a little tiring to me, they're nice but they're far away from me. and they don't understand my situation. i'm afraid of trying to explain. we're already low on friends, having the closest ones to us think we're delusional and get mad at us for not changing doesn't sound too fun. being in our house has only felt worse as time has gone on. our parents are nice enough, our dad a bit abusive maybe but he can be bareable. but their opinions on things aren't exactly the best, and that gets tiring to hear about. knowing they'd get mad if they knew we think any different. any signs we've shown before have been immedietly shut down. it's not worth it. we have to live with them, being disabled we have no other choice. i can't wait to leave this place. not having to worry about them anymore. so much work. i hope i can find an easier way so it doesn't hurt them, though. we might not agree on things but this body is their child. i'd rather not make our mother mourn another suicide if we can help it.

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